So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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