Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
