batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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