found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
