I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
