I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
