I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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