I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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