She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
