i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hippo gnu deer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You are a genius and a whore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
