...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize