pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
