watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
