Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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