Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
