y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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