Dual....:-)
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
