we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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