I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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