and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
