saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
