Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
