Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
