And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
