God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everclear isn't food dammit
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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