Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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