don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
