I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize