she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
