I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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