Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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