Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
