Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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