Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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