Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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