I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
