well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
