Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
