so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
