you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
