Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
