I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
