i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can you bring me the toilet please
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
