I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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