the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
