we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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