hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
