I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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