i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
