U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
