It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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