Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
