Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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