My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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