Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
