Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
