cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
