I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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