His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
