the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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