Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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