i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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