i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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