If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
