I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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