i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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